Man is by nature a political animal

Hi, friends! I am bringing this blog briefly out of hibernation to share with you the latest political scandal to rock the United States.

Last week in in New Milford, Connecticut, voters were shocked and appalled to learn they had elected a dog to council.

New Milford Councilman Scott Chamberlain, a Democrat, resigned Friday after initially defending his role in the community of people interested in animal role play.

“It’s nothing to do with sex; it’s an interest in cartoon animals,” he told the Danbury New Times Thursday, as screenshots circulated of his profile on a furry web forum.

The shocking discovery came about after a local resident googled the councilman (hereafter known as ‘Gray Muzzle’) and discovered his profile on sofurry.com. Apparently no one else in New Milford uses the internet because Gray had linked his furry identity with his human name several years before even running for political office.

Yeah, OK, I hear you grumbling. We’ve already heard about this from reputable news outlets like the New York Post, Raw Story, Metro, and The Daily Mail; what could you possibly contribute that hasn’t been covered by these hot takes?

Well, it turns out that all of these news articles are focusing on the same point (almost like they’re all just rewriting the same article without doing original research??)

The website, sofurry.com, allows users to ‘love’, ‘like’, ‘tolerate’ and ‘hate’ various topics. On his profile, Chamberlain wrote that he ‘tolerates’ rape.

Yes, it certainly does say that! But here’s the full profile, take a look and see what else jumps out at you.

 

 

If you’re not convinced the list is a true and authentic reproduction of Gray Muzzle’s sexual interests, here’s another archived list from 2011.

Surprisingly, all the legitimate news outlets failed to notice “young”, “underage”, “semi-incest”, or the other morally deviant fetishes and instead have chosen “tolerates rape” as the reason to kick this councilman to the doghouse. The appeal of nonconsent in a consensual context – such as roleplay or erotic fiction – is well documented and totally acceptable if it’s a sexy businessman and an innocent virgin girl (or a sexy pirate and an innocent virgin girl, or a sexy bikie and an innocent virgin girl, or a…)

Whether or not masturbating to fictional children is morally equivalent to masturbating to a fictional rape scene is, perhaps, up to personal interpretation (and um, the law). But it is very interesting that the news articles don’t talk about this, and it has resulted in the wider internet becoming furious at what they see as kinkshaming a man out of office.

Or instead talking about how it’s actually web design that’s to blame for this terrible misunderstanding:

Anyway, enough of the politics talk, the real reason you’re here is to see what kind of insane shit this furry councilman is up to. AND BOY, DOES HE DELIVER!

Props to the users of hipinion – they did a lot of legwork which I shamelessly took advantage of for this roundup. Who says forums are dead these days? And an honourable mention to Death and Taxes, the only news outlet to do their own research and point out that this information was always just a Google away.

A quick primer on Gray Muzzle’s writing from what I’ve gathered so far:

His main series is Tina’s Story, following the exploits of a human-poodle hybrid who works at the DMV and is married to a regular human, ScottRay.

The original series appears to have been posted around 2009-2010. Gray commissioned a cartoonist to draw the series, which is still being updated. Amusingly the latest comic arc revolves around Ray being fired from the DMV for having anthro porn on his work computer, then winning his job back after the whole department rallies to support him.

There are a number of characters with short story arcs or spinoffs. Two of Gray’s favourites are the twin teenage cats Felicia and Felicity.

“What do we have here?” She held up the magazine under the covers “Kittens at Play. Look Felicity, these little kittens are even younger than us….and just look what they’re doing!”

Felicity looked over, and shook her head. Then their father spoke…

“Look. Don’t tell your mother. She wouldn’t understand….” he was sweating, now.

The sisters smiled.

“I think we can help each other. Maybe even have some fun.”

Here are a few more of my favourite excerpts:

Is it bestiality if a human dog has sex with a regular dog?

Her time came, and she went to the hospital to deliver. As the obstetrician assisted, Tina delivered one after another. All Poodle puppies…all white, ten in all. Just as she was about to fall back exhausted, her dog appeared in the delivery room.

“Hey, Dad! Come to see your pups?” she greeted him cheerily

“Dad/ Pups? You’ve been fucking your DOG!”

Ray was furious.

Tina the poodle helps her cat coworker get an abortion:

And then it began. The insertion of the speculum. The scraping of her uterus. The suctioning out of it’s contents. But as Tina had predicted, she made it through. By now, Felicia was an ashen gray color. The doctor explained aftercare, and what to expect, but he wasn’t at all sure that the Siamese was comprehending.

Sexy Asian wolf:

The minute he arrived, a silence fell over the party. He was a tall, handsome Asian wolf named Kendo. Standing six foot four, and lean, but muscled, he cast a stunning profile. Dressed casually, but impeccably in a blue shirt, and pressed khakis, every eye at the party was on him. It was up to Ray to break the silence.

“Hey, everyone! This is my friend Kendo….”

The women stood there, staring. Even the staid Mrs Goldstein took him in.

“MUY caliente'” pronounced Rosa.

hmm how WOULD you circumcise a dog? *pulls up google*”

You see, this was the day of Little Stan’s Brit Milah ceremony, or ‘bris’, the ritual circumcision that every Jewish boy baby undergoes. Traditionally done on the eigth day of life, Stan was of course a fair bit older. Doctor Goldstein solved this by getting a doctor friend to write a letter that he was ‘physically unready’ before now. This was at least partially true. No one had ever really done a bris on a hybrid. Finding a Mohel to perform the rite was challenging. In the end, Doctor Goldstein found one in New York City. The ritual itself was an issue. Since the bris was in effect a circumcision, there was a problem, since dogs don’t have a foreskin. Instead, Stan would have a hatafat dam brit, where the end of the penis is pricked, and a drop of blood taken.

 

So what do you think about Scott? Cast your vote now!

 

Scott Chamberlain’s worst fetish

Rape
Diapers
Incest
Underage
Watersports
Menstruation
Milking
Classic Pop/Rock

Quote(s) of the Day: Until Abortion Ends

There are few things in life more satisfying than pissing off anti-abortion activists. Personally, I love my monthly abortion vacations, where I infuriate conservative relatives AND lose a little weight at the same time! So when I see pro-lifers actively removing any source of joy in their lives, it’s like hands-free schadenfreude. Below are some of my favourite attempts to bribe (or blackmail?) God into banning abortion for every fetus on the planet forever.

Until Abortion Ends #untilabortionends Butterfingers

Happily depriving myself of Butterfingers, my favorite candy bar, until babies are no longer deprived of LIFE, Even if that means i will never eat one again!!(:

call-of-duty-jesus-parody

Until abortion ends I will no longer play Call of Duty. Once abortion ends I will play Call of Duty all day.

gary-spivey-white-afro-psychic

A few years ago I grew out my hair because I thought it would be fun to have an afro. I became known as “AfroSam.” I cut it off because I hated the attention it won me.

I will not cut my hair until abortion ends. Everytime someone asks about my afro, they will know that abortion is the cause.

We love taco bell, but its loss will remind us of the severity of abortion. We believe that some day we will take our children to taco bell in celebration of the illegalization of child-killing in America. We believe we are fighting a winning battle and one day this country will wake up and be horrified that she is responsible for a holocaust of innocent babies. Goodbye, for now, Taco Bell. But we will meet again.

pokemon-dialga-coathanger

I have loved Pokemon as long as I can remember. But I love babies being born more. So untill abortion end I will no longer view pokemems or buy anything Pokemon related.

I have chosen to give up the comfort of sleeping in a bed or on my simply sack chair, which is super amazingly comfortable.

Latvian – African Civil Welfare Project: from the heroes who brought you /gamergate/

namibia-8chan-flag-5

I just want to start by saying that no feat is too great, no task too arduous when done for the love of ones clan and blood. I have a hope for this future to prevail. And I know you can all see it too. It’s an ember, but with just the right amount of breath it can become a raging fire. And all of Africa will see it’s beautiful glow in the night sky. Call it Southwest Africa, call it New Rhodesia, Call it whatever you want.
But what it really is, is an idea born from desperation and love for a dying culture and a people under systematic attack.
This idea will live, and we, you and I will be the lucky few to which they will teach the children in generations to come.

namibia-entry-requirements

namibia-white-nation

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<+Dindu> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia
<+Dindu> what’s wrong with this?
<@niipah> Nothing wrong with it
<@niipah> Only reason we have to be 18 now is due to feminism
<@niipah> But back in the day having sex with 14 and up was common
<+Spongy> Can we not promote “pedo shit” I can put up with like 16 but 14 fuck man
<@niipah> Pedo shit is below puberty
<+Dindu> Nah I agree, I just think anything below 18 is dumb
<@niipah> Hebe shit is above puberty
<+Dindu> Pedo being labeled as below 18*
<@niipah> 14 and up should be acceptable

namibia-linux

namibia-8chan-flag-2

namibia-sneaking-in

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namibia-barely-qualified

 <+widethroat> how long will it take for this project to become something presentable outside of the chans? when it gets to the point where its presentable to investors i have quite a few useful contacts
<+Cultist> i think it’s already to that point, widethroat

namibia-screencapping

white MRAs can’t dance

I was watching DaddyDaDa’s excellent “Treat All Women With Respect” this morning:

After boppin’ along to the chill tunes, I jived down to the comments to share the grooviness. Imagine my surprise to find a rewritten version of the song for men!

Drew NA wasn’t happy with the message of “don’t hit women”, so he wrote his musical response, “don’t take men’s money first you silly bitches”:

One, two, three four
No more men to be ignored

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

Heads up girls – I’m talking to you,
Men have it tough — so what ya gonna do?
False accusations are not the way to go,
No proxy violence — and no beating boys,
It’s just wrong – and illegal too.
Resentment grows from the abuse you do,
Men feel powerless from a lack of protection,
But men’ll still lend a heartful extention.

Show empathy — don’t throw stuff,
True love is not that rough.
Work your job — and pay for half,
Making us pay does not make us laugh.

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

Don’t be an evil momma and push him away,
Be honest — don’t lie about the father.
When we father, it’s just the beginning,
The courts and child leave the mother grinning,
Those are the tools for an 18-year pay day.
Fathers want to have time with their kids,
But we cannot, with no parental rights.
Reverse the vicious cyle – of abandonment, abuse
Let us know our child, love our child, and provide, too;
He might need us to respect you, too.

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

One, two, three, four
No more fathers from the doooooooor

Now gents out there —  I am talking to you,
If you say no when she comes onto you
It’s okay to say no, you’re still not gay.
Now put in the work to be good at school,
If you don’t — society won’t help
They ignore you to help that woman!
Don’t fall for a woman who isolates you,
A real woman will be happy you have friends!
Too many gentlemen end up feeling broken,
Repeating a cycle – that must be broken.
Respect yourself and leave her who throws stuff,
Find a good woman who won’t silence you

One, two, three, four
No more men abused at the store

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

Treat all us men with respect
What you give, is what you get
Treat all the men with respect, I say

One, two, three, four
We are men to be adored!

Personally, I’m happy to see members of the men’s rights community embrace music and other creative endeavours as a way to get their feelings out. My dream is to one day see noted feminists and MRAs duking it out in a sick-ass rap battle, and today we are one step closer to that dream.

From the Archives: Vampire Health

Back in 2011, I wrote a few articles for a little-known comedy blog that has since disappeared from the internet. Luckily a few of my old posts are on archive.org, and since writing new content is so hard, I’m reposting them here. I’ll start off with Vampire Health, which is the best vampire article I have ever written and also the best vitamin article. I’ve removed blog references and links but it’s otherwise unedited, so you can see what my writing looked like when I was younger and had a team of other people stopping me from posting stupid shit.

Also it’s worth noting that vampirehealth.com went down in late 2011, not long after this was first posted. Now I’m not saying I’m responsible for that, but as you all know I am kind of a big deal in the Vampyr community, so…


Back in May, we ran an article covering the vampire subculture which was met with much wailing and gnashing of fangs from the vampirically inclined. As it turns out, the vampire is a very complex and fragile creature with many health issues:

Yeah, I find that energy drinks don't help with my health problems either. Maybe I'm a vampire too!

Yeah, I find that energy drinks don’t help with my health problems either. Maybe I’m a vampire too!

Prompted by a query regarding vampire vitamin regimes, many vampires offered up their tips and tricks to a long and healthy life of… immortality. Apparently, just drinking blood doesn’t cut it! Vampires are prone to a number of rare conditions which have not yet been granted legitimacy by mainstream medicine. Dedicated teams of vampire scientists have rigourously tested cures for these debilitating illnesses and have developed a number of medicines which a vampire must take to remain healthy. Many websites offer these strange concoctions for sale to vampires, and one that came highly recommended in the comments was Vampire Health. In the interest of public knowledge, we’ve inspected the products on offer and our findings are reproduced below.

Health Warning: Do not take any of the below medications unless you are actually a vampire and have been instructed by a vampiric professional. Misuse of vampire supplements can be deadly.

You don't even get to live forever? This vampire thing sucks!

You don’t even get to live forever? This vampire thing sucks!

A first glance at the Vampire Health website shows a nice, neat layout with a stylish logo, which is a far cry from most vampire websites. I guess they could afford to hire a real web designer. It’s the type of site that instinctively makes you feel you are in good hands, even if those hands are deathly pale and ice cold to the touch.

There are six products on offer. The first is apparently known as a “calcium supplement”, whatever that is: let’s take a closer look.

What are these strange scientific terms? What do they mean? Only vampires know.

What are these strange scientific terms? What do they mean? Only vampires know.

The description of this supplement tells you, “The last thing you should focus on while playing, chasing or biting, are your bones and teeth.” I have to wonder if this was mislisted; it sounds more like it should be on “Pet Health.”

OK, I can see how you could get dogs and vampires confused.

OK, I can see how you could get dogs and vampires confused.

Next on the list is a garlic supplement—wait, what?

Everything I know is a lie!

Everything I know is a lie!

At least they got rid of the odor, I guess. And you can rest easy knowing that the product is safe for everyone: “Garlic has numerous effects which promote good health, none of which involve the killing or harming of the living or undead.” What a relief!

You may have noticed by now that the products at Vampire Health are advertised as “vegetarian.” It is yet to be established why a creature that literally feeds off the energy of others would be concerned about animal products.

The next supplement I looked at was out of stock. Quite unfortunate, because I’d really like to know what these are.

Please tell me this is a vampire aphrodisiac.

Please tell me this is a vampire aphrodisiac.

The remaining three products, in order of bizarreness:

  • Vitamin D, for the vampire who doesn’t get as much sunlight as he needs
  • Melatonin, for the vampire who wants to stay up late at night
  • Pomegranate, for the vampire who wants to increase his longevity from “immortal” to “super immortal”… through the use of free radicals

Of course, as in any community of supernatural creatures, there is trouble reaching a consensus. Many vampires don’t believe in using supplements at all!

You idiot! You're making us look like crackpots! Now, about those invisible energy fields...

You idiot! You’re making us look like crackpots! Now, about those invisible energy fields…

There is one thing that we know all vampires will agree on, though: people on the internet are big meanies, and anyone who judges their lifestyle just isn’t intelligent enough to understand it.


 

thistroper.txt

Alright, so this has happened to me many times. Last year, I was coming home from the Deer Park Tanger Outlets Christmas Tree event, and I saw a ten year old watching The Backyardigans in his car…with his younger sister! At school, the kids in my Spanish class like watching Garfield and Friends (mostly from the U.S. Acres segments), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, SpongeBob SquarePants, Phineas and Ferb, Adventure Time, Animaniacs, Camp Lazlo and Wreck It Ralph. They often recite quotes from these shows, with the most common one being a play on a line from the U.S. Acres segment “Wade, You’re Afraid”. The line in question is “If he lays an egg, I’m outta here!, and they replace “he” with someone’s name. Once, they put my name into the joke, because I often try to make U.S. Acres jokes to see if they get them (since it’s my current obsession), and they recognized them only 5 times. Once, I yelled “The bunny rabbits is coming!” and one kid said “That’s from U.S. Acres!”. Another time, I said “This got so out of hand that I’ve decided to punish you!”, and another kid said “That’s from U.S. Acres!” yet again. Then, I said “The bunny rabbits is coming!” again and the kid who sits next to a boy who likes me said “There are no bunny rabbits, Wade!”. When my sister tried to sing the U.S. Acres song “Banana Nose”, she sang “Yo…” and a kid started singing the rest of the song. And finally, when ducks flew by our classroom, a kid made a fart noise and asked if birds can fart. I asked him “Have you ever watched Happy Garfield Day?” and he said “No, I haven’t!”, which is strange for a kid who has seen Temp Trouble and says demerit jokes. Also, one kid in this class has the nickname “Orse”, which Roy uses as a nickname for Orson in some episodes. They also like singing that song from “Wanted: Wade” about following the rules, and a kid here got injured imitating the rake scene. As for the Animaniacs joke, one kid mentioned “Potty Emergency” and another recited a line from “The Kid In The Lid”, which was “All we could do was watch, watch, watch, ’till I spilled lots of soda, all over my crotch”. For SpongeBob, similar to the “Orson” and “Lazlo” nicknames, people will call the kids names of SpongeBob characters. For example, after someone got a correct answer when going over a worksheet, one kid said “Good job, Squidward!”, or they act like the 5-year olds who want items with SpongeBob on them. For Phineas and Ferb, they used the phrase “Ferbflip”, which I’ve never heard used in the show, as I’ve only seen a few episodes, even though I think it’s good, due to not having enough time on my hands. For Camp Lazlo, a kid in my class named Larry is nicknamed “Lazlo”. For Wreck It Ralph, they often mention Hero’s Duty, and for Adventure Time and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a few kids wear the T-shirts of those shows to class, and once, a kid told someone to not act like Fluttershy. Once in class, we did a worksheet on how to make sentences tell what people have to do by using the possessive verb and “que”. One sentence had the name “Dora” in it. If you guessed that the kids made Dora The Explorer jokes next, you’re correct. And another time, a kid named James noticed my Smile Pretty Cure pencil case and called me “Yayoi” due to that, because of a news article on Crunchyroll about Pretty Cure being popular on Twitter due to that character, and possibly because he might watch either Naruto, Gintama or One Piece on that website. Besides that, they also watch Teletoon Retro (even though I live in the USA, and we have Shaw Direct and Bell TV here, which I found out about looking up TV listings for Crash and Bernstien to see upcoming episodes. Once, in algebra class, my friend John wore a Doctor Whooves shirt. A girl named Caroline asked “Isn’t that from My Little Pony? You’re a pervert!”, and John asked her “Haven’t you heard of bronies?” multiple times, leading her to make jokes that went “Remember (name here)? He/she’s a pervert!” One of these jokes mentioned Herbert The Pervert from Family Guy. Also, Wreck It Ralph is often mentioned by the kids in the hallway at my high school. My mom doesn’t do this with shows I watch themselves (except for Popples, which I stopped watching once I got re-addicted into Garfield and Friends, since that show is babyish), but she does have a problem with merchandise from those shows. It all started when I was on Hobby Link Japan, looking for the Cure Module from Suite Pretty Cure, and I saw that it was sold out. I found a Tamagotchi Melody Charm on there due to that, and my mom allowed me to buy it because it was similar. Well, what a mistake that was. On my birthday weekend, I was trying to make it play the Lovelitchi character song “Ever Lovely”, and it starts playing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, and my mom says “What nice baby music you’re playing!” and boy was I embarrassed! She’s been strict ever since that incident, but rarely does she allow me to buy magical girl stuff. My last one would be a Yes! Pretty Cure 5 Dream Torch, since she wants me to grow up. On New Year’s Eve one year when I was in sixth grade, I was bored and was trying to find something interesting on TV. South Park was the only thing on. The episode I saw was about one of the kids (I think Kyle) going into heaven after being addicted to a video game. I also once watched an episode of The Simpsons at the same age about a show about a princess, and it had Krusty the Clown in it (but my brother was watching it). I don’t remember much from the last two, anyway. One time, my cousin wanted to watch Total Drama Island and one of my cousins said “We’re going to call your parents if you watch Total Drama Island!”, and then what does he watch instead? Nickelodeon. Also, my mom has come into the room and saw me watching cartoons. One time, I was watching the U.S. Acres segment “Temp Trouble” and my mom came in to put clothes away during the scene where Roy Rooster and Wade Duck sing under a tree. Well, the volume on the computer was at 50% (but headphones were in the computer), making her able to hear the whole scene about Aloysius Pig’s mom (in case anyone doesn’t know that scene, it’s the one where she punishes Aloysius by having him clean his room). My mom left at the end of the episode when Wade points at Orson’s luggage and gives him demerits for putting funny stickers on it. A couple of times, my dad has walked into the room when we watch Crash and Bernstien (even though it’s a live action show, I put it there because it’s about a puppet). A couple of times, while waiting for Liberty’s Kids or Horseland to start, my parents have walked into the room and asked what we were watching. One time (recently), I said “Garfield and Friends”, because me and my sister were watching the U.S. Acres segment “A Little Time Off”, during the scene where they are on a spaceship and the characters tell about how they feel about the voyage. We shut off the TV playing CBS, thinking to turn it back on during Liberty’s Kids (but I forgot about it!). One time, my brother (who was 14 at the time of this incident) walked into the room during an episode of qubo on NBC’s “3-2-1 Penguins and LarryBoy Stories” during the episode “The Good, The Bad, And The Eggly”, just as the scene where flying robotic pigs cover the town in eggs. Cue my brother leaving disgusted. Also as a kid, in fourth grade I watched a ton of little kids shows like PBS Kids stuff, Noggin, Peep and the Big Wide World (because it looked like Tamagotchi), SeeMore’s Playhouse… the list goes on and on. Also, I watched Maryoku Yummy without realizing it was a little kids show just because they sold the merchandise of it at Justice (I have every single one of the plush dolls they sold there), a store for pre-teens. Even though I didn’t cry at the sad Pixar movies like Toy Story 3 and Up, there was a moment at one of those films that was a mix of this trope and What Do You Mean, It’s Not For Kids?. When I went to see Brave, the whole theater (except for us) was made up of families with toddlers. When the mother turns into a bear and is on the rampage at the castle, everyone except me and my sister left the theater because it was too scary! It reminded me of the Forbidden Broadway Song “You Gotta Get A Puppet” and the “Uncle F***er” scene in “South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut”, where it said or showed that people left because of disturbing things. Also, when I went to a showing of The Smurfs at a local Clearview Cinemas theater, a preschool summer camp group left the theater and didn’t return due to a scene where Gargamel was put in jail, which I didn’t find scary. Or maybe there was a long line for the bathroom due to some other movie showing at the same time. Who knows? Also, when I went to see Big Miracle, a kid kept yelling “Eew!” during the whole trailer for Paranorman, starting with the visual of the dancing toilet (or at least that’s what I had seen it as). Speaking of which, I thought Paranorman and Frankenweenie (which some people say are scary for kids) were tame. Once, my class watched “Casper” and the teacher had to stop the tape because one of the three evil brothers in the movie said a swear word. I also watched the Komiket episode of Lucky Star when I was eight. In my 8th grade Home and Careers class, when I told my cooking group I liked Pretty Cure, one of the boys said that they watch that show, possibly the Futari Wa series. At school on December 5, 2012, as I was getting out my binders for my morning classes, a girl told a story about how she wanted an American Dad action figure for Christmas this year, and her parents said no. The reason? “Cartoons and toys are for kids!”. Then she told who she was telling the story to that she explained to them that it was an adult show, possibly because they might have thought that American Dad was Family Guy for kids without even watching the show! The same kid also was a fan of Garfield and Friends, as they acted out “Kiddie Korner” in the hallway. On December 7, 2012, a boy listened to a rock remix of the SpongeBob SquarePants theme out loud on his iPod. This wasn’t helped by the fact that he was autistic. I also watch Danger Rangers, and it’s good because it doesn’t talk down to little kids. When my sister said she wanted to see the Friendship is Magic Equestria Girls film, my mom said “My Little Pony? Aren’t you too old for that?”. My parents also HATE it when Jack Hanna’s Wild Countdown, Poppy Cat or The Chicka Show comes on in the middle of a newscast for the sole purpose of “entertaining the kiddies”. I’m sure that shows like Disney’s Dog With A Blog, Nickelodeon’s Sanjay and Craig, and the Inspector Gadget and The Country Mouse And City Mouse Adventures repeats on ThisTV get higher ratings than these shows! But on June 1, 2013, the situation was different-my mom turned on the TV and what did she see? STUPID SPONGEBOB RE-RUNS ON NICKELODEON! This was during an ad break showing some sneaker commercial. I don’t watch Nick, so my guess is that maybe my dad watched it late last night for Everybody Loves Raymond. And finally, my dad saw a 5-year old with her dad watching Clannad on the train, because that person thought that All Rated PG Shows And Movies Are For Kids.

FUNERAL FOR A FRIENDSHIP, or “yes, nerds have always taken comic books too seriously”

I wrote this up for a forum a while back. But it’s such a little-known gem of internet insanity, I want to record it here too (with exclusive blog-only additions!) Please enjoy my summary of

FUNERAL FOR A FRIENDSHIP,

or
Could Everyone Check Under Their Sofa Cushions For Kurt Busiek’s Sanity?
By Darren “John Jones/Doc Nebula” Madigan

One day I hope to be this amazing at graphic design.

Now for the origin story of our heroes: Kurt Busiek, successful comic book writer, and Darren Madigan, blogger and somewhat less-successful writer, went to college together in the early 80s. At the time neither had broken into the industry; according to Madigan they collaborated on several comics together and also brainstormed some of Kurt’s later work.

It was around that time that the pair befriended Ann, a “truly lovely girl” who Darren was infatuated with. The three drifted apart after college so it came as a shock to Darren to learn that, 10 years later, Ann was marrying Kurt(!!)

I’d called and we had had a somewhat strained but still hours-long and mostly cordial phone conversation, which had ended on a bad note when I’d asked him to say hello to Annie for me, and he’d abruptly become cold and borderline hostile and very nearly hung up the phone in my ear. (And explain that to me, if you will. I loved her and courted her for years while he was barely aware she existed; she told me I was her bestest bestest friend and the big brother she’d never had for years — yeah… I know… but she was sweet about using the classic blow off line, and for a few years, she seemed to mean it, too — while being barely aware he was alive; somehow, a decade down the road, he’s marrying her, I ask him to say hello to her for me, at the end of a long, chatty, civil, even cordial conversation, and he nearly breaks the phone slamming it down. I mean, what’s UP with that? Is this some guy thing they gave us a class on in high school when I was out with mono, or what?)

Believe it or not, he didn’t get an invite to the wedding. :(

Many years later, Kurt’s comic career was booming. Darren emailed his old friend with congratulations.

I alleged many hilarious things about his (to me) new and astonishingly corpulent physique, among them that continental drift must surely be a slow way for him to travel to conventions, that it seemed certain to me he must be haunted by snotty fans at con panels calling out in bad Scottish accents “Captain Kurt, the floorboards canna stand the strain!”, and that, in point of fact, if he wanted to learn from Peter David, that was fine, but a sane person would have stopped short of adopting Mr. David’s techniques for inhaling entire all-you-can-eat pasta bars at one sitting.

Kurt failed to see the “ironic satire” in the message (Darren being a self-admitted landwhale) and never responded. Nor did he respond to the ensuing years of emails, so Darren resorted to writing in under fake names to get replies. Like an obsessed fangirl, he read everything Kurt-related, including interviews and introductions to his comics. Believe it or not, that asshole Kurt never once mentions Darren in any of them!

In December 2000, after Darren posted on a comic forum accusing Kurt of ripping off literally every superhero comic ever made, Kurt finally acknowledged his existence.

Don’t worry, he’s not trying to engender intelligent discussion. This is a man, after all, who recently wrote to the Comics Journal to gripe about how a woman who’s been dead for almost a decade now was unpleasant to him one night almost twenty years ago. “John Jones” is a guy I went to college with, who had ambitions to become a comics writer. After I broke in, his correspondence became increasing angry and bitter, critical of everything from how bad the new comics were to how bad the new movies were to how bad the new TV shows were to how bad all of my co-workers were and how rotten the comics industry was — all of them expressing bitterness that I, a freelance writer who was getting so little work at the time that I was rolling up debt and occasionally sleeping on friends’ couches for weeks at a time, couldn’t somehow roll out the red carpet for him and get him into the industry, despite the fact that (a) I could barely get me into the industry, and (b) I’m not aware of his ever actually submitting a proposal to a publisher.

All of my attempts to tell him that these gouts of hostility and bitterness were not my idea of enjoyable correspondence were met with “You’re my friend — you should be supporting me!” responses. Finally, the tide of negativity was so great — and was starting to worry my wife, who he had a thing for in college — that I told him I wouldn’t be responding any more, that there just wasn’t anything to talk about.

The letters kept coming, and eventually dwindled to a halt, which was a relief to my wife and me, and we hoped that he’d found something to do with his life other than focus on his anger at the world not having treated him as well as he’d like it to.

But then I got online, and shortly thereafter, the rambling, bitter, insult-filled e-mails started to come — all of them also expressing his ire that I didn’t get him into the business, that I was blowing off old friends and didn’t care about anyone but myself. When he started sending these e-mails to my wife, as well, we blocked him from our e-mail accounts — it was the same thing as it had been before, at a higher volume.

He changed e-mail addresses and started sending them again. We blocked them again.

Recently, he took to establishing new e-mail accounts and sending me e-mail as if from a fan, though within a few messages he’d be back to spewing bile.

And most recently, through the apenation site, he sent me a long and nasty e-mail excoriating me for establishing a point of continuity in AVENGERS FOREVER that he didn’t think was sufficiently respectful to Steve Englehart, despite the fact that this bit he hated so much had been established AVENGERS history for over ten years by the time it turned up in FOREVER. And he started sending my wife e-mail again, complaining that maybe I apparently had formed an irrational dislike of him, but he hoped she’d respond.

And now he’s here.

Frankly, while I can take bad reviews in stride, and can ignore venomous e-mails, I’m starting to think it might be a good idea to find out what the statutes about cyber-stalking are, since my wife is pretty upset about all this.

Darren, we were in college almost twenty years ago now. Whatever friendship we had back then, you’ve scorched to ash, and had done so before 1990. And you’re scaring Ann — if you have any regard left for her, please, cut this out.

I don’t know what you’re doing with your life, but you’ve got to be approaching forty, since I’m already there. I hope you have a job you like, or can find one. I hope there’s love in your life. I hope there’s something you can focus on positively, instead of this constant rage toward someone who had the ill luck to become successful at what you wanted to do, and the poor manners to get tired of unremitting negativity after several years of it. I hope this not just because I’d like you to stop this, but because I’d like you to be happy, to have something to build your life around besides this seething hatred of me.

And if you do have something positive and happy in your life, and still find it necessary to make these insane drive-bys, I hope you’ll find someday that it’s better to focus on the good stuff than keep poking at whatever you’re disappointed by until it festers into this.

Now I’m sure you’re all dying to know: what happened next?! After the line-by-line rebuttal of Kurt’s post (because of course there was a line-by-line rebuttal), Darren apparently calms down some. Kurt’s name pops up on his blogs a few times over the next several years, but never with the same vitriol seen in Funeral.

Every girl crazy 'bout...

But that’s not all! Darren has since published a number of books. I purchased and read one of them because, you know, I figured I owed the guy a few bucks for the hours of entertainment, and how bad could it possibly be?

What I found was a story so gleefully vile it rivals Comfort Girls for top billing in my “11 books everyone is forced to read in Hell” listicle. I plan to write a full post documenting the worst (best) content in “Harvest Night: An American Horror Story”, but here’s a teaser because I am just so damn excited to share it with you all:

Please don’t. Please don’t. School Jenny doesn’t like it. Slut Jenny likes it. Please don’t. School Jenny doesn’t want to. Please don’t. Slut Jenny wants to. Do it to Slut Jenny. Please.

Poor Ann. She just doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.

‘Social justice’ is a FALSE FLAG

Alright, it is time for an expose on the different connections between various groups in this GamerGate scandal.

The majority of this SJW stuff, at its core, is coming from what is known as “Weird Twitter.” (inb4 >KYM http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/weird-twitter) Weird Twitter was initially formed when users of the FYAD subforum on the Something Awful forums decided that the forums were slowly dying (which is true) and took to Twitter to increase their internet presence and be able to interact with more people (largely to harass them). They had created such a hostile environment to newcomers in FYAD that essentially no new blood trickled in, and they literally had to force new people to post there through moderator bullshit, and even then the sole purpose of that was not to get new blood, but for the insular clique who have known each other for more than a decade now, to torment that person. So they needed greener pastures, which they found on Twitter, where they were joined by refugees from Laissez Faire, a FYAD-style subforum which at the end of its lifespan was filled with anime avatar hardline Marxists (think /pol/ but even more extreme, but on the left, and extremely ban-happy. It ultimately fell apart and was resurrected as various offsite forums time and again because they kept falling apart due to drama and users harassing each other).

Anyway this insular group of a few dozen or so people quickly attracted a large following on Twitter by making genuinely amusing Tweets (which had mostly nothing to do with SJW shit), and among that following were many indie creators and related SJW types, mostly because those Tweets had SJW-friendly language (the most glaring examples of this language are infantile-sounding insults like “garbagemen” or “piss baby”).

However, besides making amusing Tweets, they had another purpose: Harassing people for their own amusement. The  former LF parts of Weird Twitter and their largely SJW indie dev follower (and similar people, you get the picture) crowd merely provided SJW issues as a heuristic to find targets to single out and harass. If this in-group had accumulated a following among a different demographic (which is however a rather unlikely scenario, given the initial LF element among them) they would have looked for people to harass based on whatever that demographic valued, rather than SJW issues. It’s important to understand that the SJW issues they supposedly care about are merely meant to raise a Twitter mob outside of their small circle. On FYAD itself, they have no issues with throwing around racist and sexist slurs like they’re going out of style. They just know how to keep that shit off Twitter, since the average FYAD post would give a true SJW a heart attack.

And make no mistake, these people have absolutely no issues with harassment up to and including death threats either. FYAD even managed to make a depressed, possibly autistic man kill himself due to their harassment, a fact that if brought up rather than denying, they will gloat and laugh about. Many of these people were active in Helldump, another Something Awful subforum which existed for the sole purpose of doxxing SA users and digging up as much embarrassing information on them as possible, which went as far as users posting nude pictures of an underaged girl, as well as making fun of users with physical disabilities.

One of the superstars of that subforum was also involved with the attempt at bullying a 10 year-old (who they also doxxed and threatened with death). I say attempt because the 10 year-old shrugged it off like a champ. The guy, btw, should be somewhere in his mid-to-late 30s. This whole episode is well-known, and 4chan has torn the parties involved a new one over it.

Zoe Quinn, by her own admission in mid-August (I believe she tweeted it on August 12th or 15th, it should still be there if she hasn’t deleted it), is still an active SA forums user and has been since 2002. It is safe to assume that she is part of this in-group which is at the center of this Twitter shitstorm.

How do I know all this? Simple, I used to be part of it. I wasn’t part of the FYAD in-group but one of the people who joined later on Twitter (although I had been posting and lurking on the SA forums for years beforehand, I simply didn’t interact with FYAD). The 10 year-old harassment episode opened my eyes, and I used what I know to put 2 and 2 together, and here you are reading the results.

So what does this have to do with the larger SJW community?

Simple: This isn’t about gamers, gaming or feminism. The SJW shit is simply a smoke-screen which an insular group of people who have known each other for over a decade use to get their truly massive amount of SJW Twitter followers who are not part of that in-group, to join in on harassment, which they get off on. I almost feel bad for legit SJWs who participate in this, they are merely useful idiots. If you are an SJW reading this: You have been tricked, rused, bamboozled. The same people who point you to targets which to attack are the very bullies you proclaim to loathe.

Anyway, how does this tie into games journalism?

When this whole thing broke loose, it got huge overnight, despite constant censorship attempts and fraudulent DMCA takedowns across the internet. Gaming journalists, both directly involved with Zoe and indirectly involved by participating in similarly seedy actions which clearly breach the ethics of journalism needed a way to make this go away or bury the larger issue, and fast. All most of them could do on their end was write articles, but that wouldn’t have gotten the needed reaction fast enough.

Luckily, they had connections among this in-group (such as Zoe Quinn possibly being a part of it, as well as other indie devs and related people who follow people from the in-group and are followed back by them) which had, by now, years of experience in raising Twitter lynch mobs and who had the required number of followers among the SJW crowd. Thus, they mobilized them to turn what is a journalistic issue at heart into an SJW issue. And this they gladly did, because it meant getting to harass people.

40

8 Of The Most Idiotic Things To Come Out Of ‘GamerGate’

If you’re reading this, I’m sure you are a connoisseur of fine internet drama so I don’t need to fill you in on the recent Zoe Quinn shitfest. But if you want a quick refresher course, the KYM page is packed with hysterical diatribes about the destruction of gaming by a shadowy cabal of turbofeminists. Anyway, here are my favourite parts of “the worst week in gaming“, in convenient listicle form!

1. Wizardchan, a 4-part saga (click for big)

wizardchan-zoe-quinn-1 wizardchan-zoe-quinn-2 wizardchan-zoe-quinn-3 wizardchan-zoe-quinn-4

2. Phil Fish hacked (or WAS HE?!?!? (he was))

phil-fish-hack

3. Boycott of products advertised on Polygon, including Kraft® Macaroni and Cheese

polygon-boycott

4. BREAKING: games journalism has people who know each other in it and they talk about each other and stuff

web-of-lies

5. One brave warrior tackles a corrupt journalist head-on

6. A SHOCKING UPDATE! Stay tuned!

4chan-situation-update

7. cum collage

How this works is I’ve had two possible pictures in my head for the past month. One that looked like some ransom-note collage of letters Scotch-taped over a cum-covered canvas spelling out “Zoe Quinn is the best person. Best possible person. You are a bad person if you think Zoe is not the best person.” And another in the form of a precision-carved jigsaw puzzle, for which all of the pieces I wasn’t missing fit perfectly into what seemed to be a subtly-worded message to the effect of “lol, ur an idiot, she’s a jerk, flip me over for list of dates and names of people she’s cheated on you with.”

How this works is I’ve been telling myself “Nah, that can’t be what the jigsaw puzzle means. Look, this cum collage Zoe gave me says so.”

How this works is Zoe gave me one more piece at the bar the previous night, because her only other option was to risk my getting a bunch more pieces from Nathan. That piece contained some fine print which read “The cum collage may not be entirely accurate.

8. no really, cum collage

cumcollage

Quote of the Day: it is a disney fandom or something

I always have this weird relationship with Hally because I love it, but it also makes me jealous all the Time because Sammy. AND NOT THACKNAH THIS IS KINDA EXACTLY MY SECOND HALKY VERSE AND WOW YOU JUST GET CHARACTERS AND IT MAKES ME UGH ALL OVER

I really have no idea.